Desperate Freelancer

Haven't you ever heard of this stuff named The Peak Oil ?

Since the price of benzine actually skyrockets in France, I started asking myself where the hell are we going to with that oil based society.. are we going to ruin everything just because we wanted cars some decades ago ?

That's why I did nose around on the Internet about Oil and so.. and that's why I discovered all these theories about the Peak Oil.

To made it clear, the Peak Oil is the idea that some day we will reach the maximum rate of oil production, and that since that day we will go surely into real big scarcity for this resource which is vital for our whole economy.

For some, we reached the Peak Oil in 2005. Great. At least, one good thing done.

Whatever the date, what you have to understand is that when it arrives, it's going to be very bad times down there.

You can have a more complex explanation, if you need some, on to the Peak Oil page on Wikipedia.

But, to me, the most frightening point in these theories is not the shortage of oil in itself (we could always run, if cars are no useful anymore) but its consequences :

- Food is mostly produced and distributed thanks to oil. Tractors, fertilizers, breeding cattle, supermarkets are depending on cheap oil. So fewer oil means fewer food. That's a serious threat for Weight Watchers regimes.

- Technology is mainly depending on oil too. Computers, Ipod, Digital Cameras, Internet are relying on oil production, somewhere in their construction or utilization process. Come on, wake up people, the future of Facebook is at stake.

- Consumer goods are built with plastic more often than not. And Plastic is made of.. guest what ! So quite everything we use nowadays has to do with the oil system. What are we going to do if we can't produce and use these objects anymore ? Are we going to start thinking ? I guess not.

- Most of medecine are now synthesized from oil products. So you'd better not be ill too often, unless you believe in Ayurveda.

- And what about holidays ? It won't be possible to get yourself tanned in Punta Cana anymore. At least, we will get less bloody Tourists in France.

- Democracy is soluble in oil too. And the most paranoid guys among the Peak Oil Evangelists pretend that democracy is jeopardized by oil rarity. Wars and fascist regimes will arise because of global poverty and growing demand for food. Let alone, we don't need oil rarity to let Democracy be endangered, it makes sense. But the question remains : how are we going to make wars if tanks or planes can't attack anymore ? With bones and rocks ?

As you can see, Peak Oil theorists are not optimists by nature. Some of them are even darker than apocalypse prophets. I am quite sure that oil ressources are not endless, and that we will find ourselves short of oil sooner than we expected. But I am also quite sure that we would find some arrangement before falling back into middle ages. Or not.

The only thing that comfort me is the fact I will surely be dead when all this mess will happen.

As I have a very bad memory, I sometimes can't remember the precise URL of my own blog. So I ask Google to find my blog for me. I usually type expressions like "desperate freelancer" or something alike. And Google usually gives me the URL of this blog. But Google also can't help talking me about that Laurel Touby, a former "desperate freelancer" that most of the time takes the second place on Google's results.

And this piss me off.

How dares she follow me all the time like that ? I am the unique desperate freelancer. She can't try to steal away my title. That's not fair. That's no fun. And that's pretty inept, especially because she is now a millionaire, and no more what one could qualify as "desperate" nor even as "freelancer"

As an old moron with some time to waste, I started investigate a bit about her, and what I found out plunged me into great confusion

- She is in her forties.
- She is the founder and CEO of a website called Mediabistro
- I didn't catch at all what that Mediabistro website was about. Too far away from my sphere of understanding and too much too read for me.
- She is quite cute (as you can see on some photo here but I guess I reached an age where any woman 20 years younger than me can seem cute. What's your opinion guys ?)
- She likes boas
- She openly criticized and despised by at lot of people (most of information I found about her was strongly aggressive or even scornful). And I didn't understand most of the reasons why she is criticized so badly, while she seems like a nice person having been successful in life.
- It seems that she doesn't especially want to hold that second place on the expression "desperate freelancer" just before me, nor reach the first. But we never can be totally sure in a world where being the first is sometimes so important to people.

So to get things clear, I decided to write her a letter.

And my fellow and noble readers, I decided to share it with you :

"Dear Madame Laurel Touby,

I hope that you will forgive my poor English and bad manners, as I am an old grumbling and uneducated Frenchman.

I discovered your existence because you are second on the expression "desperate freelancer" on Google, just before me. I kinda understood that it was not on purpose, so I decided to write you this letter to sort things out. I don't know much about you, and don't understand much of everything they say about you, but I have one sincere question I would like you to answer :

Are you intending to steal me this first position, yes or no ?

If you do, please take note that I will fight like a lion to preserve my position. I don't know nothing about how to take a position on Google for an expression and all that Internet stuffs, and I don't know neither that 2 smiling dudes of Google that you surely meet in Internet Millionaires cocktails, but.. I am as stubborn as I am desperate, I could be mean also or cunning if necessary and I guarantee you hard times if you try to take me off one of the last good I could cling to. For example, I can .. I can... well, I will find something if you urge me to.

If you don't, then I guess it's alright and we could live side by side on that Google page. I would appreciate you don't give all other freelancers you may know the location of that page, so that we can stay only the two of us (with some other non pertinent guys) quite quiet facing this fantastic landscape where freedom melts with bitter.

Sincerely yours Charles,

Desperate Freelancer if any

PS : I wonder If some day you could tell me your story and how you succeed in becoming so rich starting as a freelancer. I guess it's too late for me to make it, but maybe I could find some tips to make a few bucks for my retirement."

Ok. So I dunno If I will get any kind of answer some day. I just hope she will be kind enough to understand my position. I don't want to jump on a site other that mine when I type MY expression on Google. (coz I am also too lazy now to click further than the first result on a Google page). No, I just don't want to get lost. The web is much too big for me.

I am overwhelmed by legal holidays of this beautiful month of May, so you will get only a short post this week.

I am a total fan of Facebook, and consider this network as the most useless app' ever imagined on the web (far away ahead of Myspace for example). Which is great because we have so much time to lose in this life.

So I would like to show you some videos I found on Youtube, which gave me a great laugh. They are all about that odd stuff called Facebook that everybody is actually praising to the skies.

There are so much parodies about Facebook, I can't show you them all. Here is another pretty good :

Facebook stimulates musical creativity too, with plenty of funny songs :

No sh... man, there are tons of.

Now, seriously how can this stuff be worth 15 billions dollars ?

There is something rotten in the Start Ups World.

Yeah, there are plenty of good reasons not to become a freelancer.

I found out that there are also plenty of bad reasons to become one.

So much, I can't read them all. At my age, you are compelled to minimize your efforts if you want to do something of your day.

But there are also good reasons to become a freelancer. Let me list you the 10 best, the 10 really important reasons why you should absolutely become a freelancer

1. You will get fired anyway

If you don't quit your job to embrace the freelance status, you will get laid off before 5 years from now. How can I tell that ? I don't. Statistics do.

Don't hang up to that poor job because you feel secure in it, you will become a collateral damage of some reorganization plan one day or another.

2. Your boss sucks, your clients will suck too but you will be able to tell them

Moreover, they will expect you to do it. And guess what, the more you will harass them with their stupidity the more they will pay you.

That's pure joy.

3. You will be able to drink during your work hours

Come on. Your hiding your Bourbon in your cup of coffee is ludicrous. You are alcoholic, right ? (who isn't ?) So assume it and drink openly. Being a freelancer will free you from the fear of being fired for what is, in the end, just a fair and genteel passion.

And drinking with no restriction will get you astonishingly more creative.

4. You will be able to work during your work hours

Most employees don't. Because they feel exploited, they often try the best they can to be the most unproductive it's possible to be for a human being. Some did manage to reach a production quota close to zero.

But what if you like your job ? As a freelancer you have a chance to work as you like without being mocked by your colleagues.

5. You can be whoever you want

In your cubicle, everybody knows you look like a skinny, ill-dressed idiot. But as a freelancer, most of the time, your clients never see your face. So you can be a handsome clever guy, a superhero, or an albino gorilla if you like.

If you are multi-task and master different skills, you can be the head of company of high level-experts. For example, personality 1 will be the web-designer, Personality 2 the copywriter, Personality 3 the code developer and Personality 4 the marketing dude. Just mind not to mix up the names.

6. Nobody will use the same toilet as you

Sharing restrooms is a major disadvantage of working in an office. Especially when you get older.

7. You will never miss Baywatch again

That's a pity, I missed an entire season some years ago because I was on my way back home every time it was broadcasted.

8. If you find some task boring, just don't do it

You just have to tell your client, that it doesn't belong to your fields of competence. He will be pleased that you don't try to rob him charging a work you can't do properly.

9. You will have lots of enemies

You ex-colleagues who become jealous, you ex-boss who doesn't understand why you are charging so much for the same job, your ex-wife because you can't pay the alimony anymore, and all your clients you are assaulting so that they pay your bills.

What's great about it ?

At least you can identify them. Whereas in your former company, you just can't know who conspires against you and who just spits on your back.

What a relief for your mind.

10. You can at last become a total looser

Yeah. You will get fat eating all day long ! Yeah, you will get stinky by forgetting to take showers ! Yeah, you will become addicted to coffee or alcohol, or both ! Yeah, you will become poor and depressed ! Yeah, you will spend all your time and money to play online poker ! Yeah, you will be wasted. And that's all what you want, because it rocks to be that kind of guy !

No need to pretend to be that stupid selfish "winner" anymore !