Since I've been working as a blogger for Delconsulting I finally got myself familiar with computers. Still, I have succeeded in not running away when I see one. But there is so many other modern devices I have to approach...

Recently, I learned how to use a photocopy machine.

So surprising it may seems, this machine enables you to produce a perfect copy of a document at an incredible speed. Moreover, you can make 3, 4 copies or even more. Almost as much as you wish. And you don't need to retype the whole thing or print it again.

After many tries, I did understand the best way to make the machine do what it was conceived for.

Let me explain to you which is the best way, according to me, to use a Xerox machine. Let's first imagine you have only one sheet to copy (we will deal with a massive copy matter once you assimilated the basics).

1. Open the cap and put the document you wish to copy.

2. Select the number of copies you want.

3. Push the copy button. (It should be the biggest button among a set of unuseful and ridiculous buttons)

4. The machine makes funny noises, and here comes out the copy. Perfect shot. A wonderful replica of your sheet. Can you imagine something easier ?

You got that ? You think you can try a multiple sheets documents ? Ok, let's try.

1. Put your document in the document handler.

2. Select the number of copies you want.

3. Push the copy button. (The very same)

4. Try to figure out what the twinkling error message on the screen really means

5. Fill the main tray with blank paper. Better, fill all the trays with as much paper as you can. Fill them to the brim.

6. Push the copy button again.

7. Put your fingers in your ears while the copy machine makes an absolutely awful noise of burning wreckage..

8. Open the main door, the one you saw opened by so-called specialists. Get the jammed papers out. Take the stapples of your document off (why doesn't the machine never warn you about that ?). Smooth the crumpled sheets, and put adhesive on the torn pages.

9. Set the document back in the document handler. Add one more copy to get a proper document to replace the one you destroyed.

10. Push the copy button again.

11. Read the same meaningless error message again. It was not about the paper after all.

12. Try to replace the ink cartridge. Open the secondary door, the one you saw opened by real specialists with high-level copier-mending accreditations, get the empty cartridge out. No. The black one, not the red one. Put the red one back in its place, without forcing it. Without I said.

13. Go the toilets urgently to save your shirt. Act as if having a shirt maculated with red is a normal situation and not as if you could be responsible of a mass-murder.

14. Wash your shirt with soap, dry it with toilet paper.

15. Hope it won't get worse. Try to convince yourself that having a irregularly faded pink half wet shirt is definitely a better position for your career.

16. Forget about it and go back to the copy-machine bare-chested. Don't pay attention to people whistling for you.

17. Explain to the trainee who is hanging round the machine, that YES YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE PROBLEM !!!!!!

18. Be tough but don't let anger come over you.

19. Replace the black cartridge with a new one. Close the secondary door.

20. Push the copy button once more.

21. Pray.

22. Look around to check if somebody else has heard that horrible noise of lethal breakdown.

23. Open the main door. Try to unjam your tie you forgot in the document handler while you went to clean you shirt.

24. Don't tear everything off.

25. Too late. Check if there is any witness in the surrondings.

26. Get rid of any proof you used the Xerox machine. Get your tie back. Destroy your dirty shirt. Put on a new one instead. Remove the jammed document from the copy-machine and burn it. As well as the few illegible sheets the machine managed to print. Breathe. And quickly distance yourself from the machine.

27. Print the original document again. Try to find someone hierarchically inferior and give him to the doc to copy.

28. Pray he will be luckier than you. If not, stand behind him and have a good laugh.